From the time I first fell in love until now, I’ve experienced a few relationships—some happy, some challenging, and some painful. Overall, I’ve gone through the bitter and sweet moments of love. I used to believe that in this lifetime, I must find someone I truly love. I was also unclear about married life. However, after experiencing various situations, seeing friends getting married and divorced, some happy while others not, I gradually gained clarity about the concept of marriage. I began to think that marrying someone you love and building a family together is indeed very fulfilling. But finding someone you love who loves you back, who is devoted to you wholeheartedly, I think is quite challenging. If one fails to find such a person in their lifetime, what then? Isn’t it better to start with a calm married life, where both partners marry based on shared values, personalities, and mutual respect, honoring each other like newlyweds?
I believe such a married life is quite good. But it requires careful planning and accepting all consequences of one’s choices. As for me, my personality isn’t extraordinary, neither hot-tempered nor cold, and I don’t keep many things inside. I’m disciplined and planned. My view on married life is not about one partner being submissive or having power over the other. I only seek a family where both can comfortably share everything, support each other, and face difficulties together. When problems arise, both should sit down calmly to discuss and find solutions. Usually, the one with a stronger argument persuades the other, and the issue is resolved. If one wishes to find such a partner, careful selection is necessary. A warm-hearted girl, preferably from the same hometown, is better. It’s easier to meet both sides of the family during festivals. But if not, as long as one is willing to travel and plan the time for both to visit their hometowns, it’s fine.
Both spouses would work, so household chores would be shared. Whoever gets home first cooks, and the other cleans up afterward. If tired, we could eat out. I enjoy cooking, so I’d like to do it more often. I don’t mind doing household chores; my parents taught me since I was young. If my wife does more chores one day, I’d quietly make up for it the next, giving her more time to rest.
Each person has their own space and is respected by the other. We don’t need to rely on each other; we can create our own happiness or enjoy activities together. We accept each other’s flaws. If a flaw affects both, we’ll fix it together. Having children would be discussed mutually, respecting the wife’s opinion as she’s the one carrying the baby. If we’re both ready physically, mentally, and financially, we can raise a child together.
Is such a relationship cold? Not at all. We’d watch movies together, go for walks, and share our thoughts. Occasionally, we’d travel and create fond memories together. We’d give each other gifts on special occasions. We’d harmonize, creating beautiful moments together, instead of living separate lives after marriage.
Marrying someone you don’t love is like having a roommate. I’ve experienced passionate love and know how it feels, so I have no regrets. If both partners develop feelings for each other after marriage, based on shared values, there will be harmony. If not, living with a close companion with good qualities isn’t bad. Isn’t that refreshing?
There’s a question: What if both meet their true love? What would they choose? Divorce? Having children adds pressure, arguments, and complicates life even more. And what binds everything together is love. Without love, how would they mend the relationship?
If one meets their true love, what should they do? To me, it’s not significant. There’s a saying, “It takes a hundred years to share a boat, and a thousand years to share a pillow.” Everyone we meet in life is destined. Some come and go, while others stick around. Some stay, accompanying us through all seasons of life. No one randomly appears on our life’s journey. Each person we meet and have a relationship with represents certain events. Perhaps they’re here to teach us a lesson, help us realize something important in life. They might make me fall in love again, but I’d still choose the fate I hold. If they find someone they deeply love and want to leave, I’ll accept it, sincerely wishing them happiness. My minimum requirement is honesty. I value trust and loyalty, whether it’s with friends or spouses. As long as everything is openly discussed and negotiated, I won’t cling to someone who doesn’t want to stay. I’d be sad, regretful, maybe angry, but I won’t dwell on it for too long. I must quickly get up and move on. And what heals all the cracks between two people is “spousal affection.” Love might be absent, but duty must remain. Being mature means being responsible, having self-respect, and having a sense of duty. Despite pressure, arguments, and a complex life, as long as neither betrays the other, and both compromise, discuss, and find ways to overcome difficulties, everything can be resolved. Direct dialogue is crucial; as long as both don’t evade, compromise, and genuinely want to build a better relationship, everything can be resolved.
Is Such a Life Truly Temporary?
It’s only temporary if both marry and live separate lives. Ignoring each other’s habits, emotions, and thoughts, having no common goals, staying silent in the face of difficulties… Such a life is indeed temporary. Conversely, if both actively seek to understand, compromise, appreciate each other, constantly search for each other’s good qualities and preferences, create shared memories, and strive for common goals… then it won’t be temporary. Marrying without love may lack passion and intensity, but it’s still romantic, simple, and doesn’t require extravagant vows. Being together every day, caring for each other, protecting each other, makes one not feel lonely anymore. Simple, like friends, that’s enough.
To live in a marriage based solely on shared values and still be happy. I think one needs great determination, along with accumulating knowledge, experience, understanding oneself, and building a rich worldview. I want a family; I plan to get married between 30-35. I won’t wait for true love to get married. Finding someone I love, and who loves me, living together for a lifetime, is truly wonderful. But if I have to wait too long, I’ll choose someone suitable for me. I’ll accept and be content with my choice, even though I know it’s a risky foundation for marriage. So, even if I meet someone better, I’ll remain loyal to my initial choice.
I hope each of us finds love and happiness in our own way.